


Falling in Love

by Ingret



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-25
Updated: 2017-05-14
Packaged: 2018-08-17 08:26:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8137219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ingret/pseuds/Ingret
Summary: After the mysterious disappearance of her father twenty years ago, Felicity Smoak grew up believing that love was something that just hurt people. Years go by and she was unable to control her own heart to falling in love. Now Felicity is newly married, and living a true fairy tale, until she discovers that her husband, Oliver Queen is not the person she thought. He hides a secret, a secret that could prove that love wasn’t the only reason for this union.





	1. Chapter 1 - The only exception

**Author's Note:**

> Hello people!
> 
> This is one of my fanfictions, actually I wrote it in portuguese first and now I'm (trying ) to translate to english.
> 
> I chose a song for every chapter, so It's a good idea you listen to the song while you are reading the chapter.
> 
> There is a trailer: https://youtu.be/GRWU0vibqOs
> 
> I really hope that you enjoy it!

 

 

> **Maybe I know somewhere**
> 
> **Deep in my soul that love never lasts**
> 
> **And we've got to find other ways**
> 
> **To make it alone or keep a straight face**
> 
> **And I've always lived like this**
> 
> **Keeping a comfortable distance**
> 
> **And up until now I had sworn to myself that**
> 
> **I'm content with loneliness**
> 
> **Because none of it was ever worth the risk**
> 
> **Well, you are the only exception**
> 
> **(The Only Exception - Paramore)**

**Felicity Smoak**

The flight from Starling City to Paris would last exactly nine hours. And I was already apprehensive, if it exists something that I had real fear it was flying. I was checking the seat belt for the third time, it wasn’t much help if the plane fell we all die, belted or unbelted, but anyway... I took a deep breath several times, trying to calm down and remove that bad thinking of my mind. For me, Oliver and I would have spent our honeymoon anywhere, preferably one which we could do a terrestrial route. But he insisted that this was a very important moment of our lives and it deserved to be special. And when he asked me I just couldn’t say no, there was something irresistible in his blue eyes, something that made me always want to say yes to him.

It was curious to remember that a year ago I used to think that love was something destructive. I was so afraid of falling in love, which I always kept me away and avoided any situation where I could inadvertently see myself hostage that feeling.

After I saw how much my mother had suffered from the abrupt departure of my father twenty years ago, I swore I'd never let anyone destroy me to that point. I saw her cry all night, hidden in her room. She always pretended that all was well in the beginning and she forced a smile, but that light and liveliness on Donna Smoak had gone out and never ignited.

I was proud to say that I controlled my own heart and I never fall in love.  Until the day I meet Oliver Queen. He was my ruin.

I sighed and raised my left hand looking to the gold ring that now glistened on my left ring finger. Say yes to Oliver was the happiest moment of my life, I've never been more sure of anything as I had that loved him and he would make me immensely happy.

My mother used to say that life was not kind to people, that happiness had a price, and the same way that it came so suddenly, it was gone just as quickly as it came. It took all of you and left you shattered. Now I understood that this was the thought of a bitter person, someone who had hurt so deeply that no longer believes in love. I used to think it too, but Oliver was able to destroy all my barriers, he showed me that love was something good. Love was to find someone who looks at you as if you were the most important person in the world. Someone who doesn’t judge you, who you can talk after a bad day and someone can be your support at the worst moments of your life. And I did all this and more with Oliver.

“Is it something wrong, baby?” Oliver asked me when he was sitting in the chair next to me and fixing his own seat belt.

“No, it isn’t. I'm just anxious… Do you know? This is the beginning. We are officially Mr. and Mrs. Queen.” I said smiling.

He agreed with a smile even more beautiful and shiny, he clasped our hands and looked at me with his blue eyes that always took my breath away.

“I'm anxious too, there are so many things I want to show in Paris. So many things I want to do with you in Paris ...” He whispered suggestively with a sexy smile hanging on his lips while he drew small circles on the inside of my wrist.

That touch, that look made me hyperventilate. I could feel my face get hot and I gulped. Oliver had that effect on me. When Oliver saw my reaction he gave a loud laugh, and everyone on the plane immediately turned to us, giving us curious or angry looks. Oliver always made these insinuations to me, he said that this was the second biggest pleasure: make me blush. The first was ... Ok. This line of thought wasn’t helping me to lower the shade of red on my cheeks.

“You need to stop.” I tried to sound angry, but I smile when I saw the funny face on his face. “Everyone is looking at us.” I finished more serious this time.

“I just wanted to make you more relaxed. You were afraid of flying. Am I right? “ Just then I noticed that we had already taken off. How does he see these small things?

“Thanks.” I sincerely thanked him, the takeoff was the part that terrified me the most.

“It was a pleasure!” He exclaimed with the usual sexy smile “Are you still afraid?” He asked me.

“Just a little.” I confessed.

“You should just lean back on my shoulder and rest. I'll keep you safe.” And I did what he asked to do, but I couldn’t sleep I was just standing there, smelling the scent of him, enjoying that feeling of closeness. I closed my eyes and thought in our story. How lucky I was to have found him. Oliver Queen had changed my life, especially my conception of love and I would be always grateful to him for that.

***

I used to go to the same coffee shop every day, without fail at seven o'clock on the morning. Caffeine was something essential for me, without my daily dose I tended to get a little grumpy. It's good to put up with my beloved boss I needed a lot of caffeine.

I had noticed him a few weeks ago. How can I not notice him? He was tall, muscular body under the social blouse which he always pulled the sleeves to the elbows. His blond hair had a short cut in a military style and the unshaven beard completed the look. He was the definition of handsome, and the best… he had the bluest eyes I had ever seen. It was impossible to be oblivious to his presence, he just enter on the coffee shop and my breathing changed, I had to control myself to not turn my head to him all times. He always sat two tables away from mine, with the day's newspaper in one hand and a cup of black coffee in the other. I constantly found myself looking at him unintentionally. Our eyes met a few times, and he always threw me a little smile and I averted my face as soon as possible. That was embarrassing. I was getting good at almost ignore him, or at least in don’t be catch spying, until the day that everything changed.

“Excuse me.” He approached my table getting in front of me. I realized that his voice was beautiful too. “I think our orders were changed.” He said to me, handing me a cup of coffee. “Is it your coffee with milk and extra sugar, isn’t?

“How do you know?” I asked narrowing my eyes at him.

“You ask the same every day.” He answered a little bland, and I was surprised that he knew what I was asking every day, that meant he was paying attention to me. I tried to take my head of the clouds after this declaration and focus on the conversation.

“Strong and unsweetened.” I said returning his coffee. I saw a small smile form on his face. I think he noticed that I had also decorated his request. When he took the cup from my hand our fingers touched minimally, but still I felt a shiver through my body and I can tell by his reaction he felt the same.

We didn’t know what to say or do for a moment, and then he said goodbye. He barely took two steps when he turned and came back to me.

“I... it's... well, you ...” he was curling up with the words, it was so strange. I was the one who rolled up, he had that confident way, I did not understand why he was so nervous, but it was still lovely, even lovelier to see him take a deep breath looking to take courage “You will mind if I join you? I'm a little tired of being sit there alone.” He indicated the place where he sat every day.

I held my breath with that request. Did he want to sit? Here? At the same table as me? At the same time?

“Of course.“ I said, trying to contain my smile and failing miserably.

“I'm Oliver Queen, by the way.” He said holding out his hand and I gave him mine. I felt again that sensation, as electricity in my body.

“I'm Felicity Smoak.”  I couldn’t answer without sounding like a dazed teenager.

And so it began. Soon coffee together was part of our daily routine, we talked and we knew each other every day a little more. He told me he had moved to  Starling City recently, and he didn’t know anyone. I found out that he worked as an architect in a company nearby from the coffee shop.

I was terrified of everything I was feeling. I began to miss Oliver on weekends when we didn’t share our coffee together. I found myself thinking about what I would wear to work and if Oliver would like. I found myself smiling just by thinking of him.

Before long, we started to get out together as friends first, until everything changed. Oliver confessed that he was falling for me. I freaked out, not because I don’t feel the same as him, but because I was afraid to fall in love and have my heart hurt at the end of this story. And then I told him about the abandonment of my father, about how I was afraid to fall in love. Oliver was patient, and slowly with his affectionate way did each of my defenses fall. He showed me that not always love hurts, and that my fear of loving was preventing me from being happy.

Without even noticing I was handing me each day a little more. And when I realized I was already on a path without return, madly in love and absurdly happy with Oliver. When Oliver asked me to marry him, I even hesitated, I said yes immediately. I knew Oliver Queen will never hurt me, not like my father did to my mother. I knew he loved me, because the smile that he threw me, by how our hearts beat in unison when we were together. Because of the feeling of a thousand butterflies flying in my stomach when he kisses me. The way he held me tight in his arms, as if he afraid my departure. It was definitely love.

***

We arrived in Paris at two o’clock. The hotel room was amazing, sophisticated, huge with a king size bed in the middle and the best had a balcony overlooking the Eiffel Tower. I wanted to enjoy more, to explore the city, but I was so tired that the first thing I did was falling to sleep.

It’s a bad way to start a honeymoon: sleeping!

I woke up hours after when a heard the noise of the shower. I saw Oliver get out of the bathroom with just a towel wrapped around his waist. I blushed with that image. Will I ever get used to it? Probably won’t.

“Good night sleeping beauty” he said leaving a quick kiss on my lips, that simple touch made my whole body stay alert “I thought you wake up hungry, so I booked a table in a special place for us.” his eyes twinkled at me “you should wear that red dress, I think it is very sexy on you” He finished in a hoarse voice, and he began to change.

I got up and went into the shower trying to ignore the chill in my body, when Oliver said those words and of course, his obvious nakedness. After the shower, I dried my hair quickly and let it loose, I did a soft makeup, I didn’t want to take too long, because Oliver had deduced correctly: I had woken up hungry. Of course, I wore the red dress.

Oliver's eyes swept over my body with deliberate lust, the dress itself wasn’t so short or stuck, and it even had a revealing neckline. It was very basic. What made it sexy was the way the silk seemed to adhere smoothly to every curve of my body without mark, only hinting at.

“Let's go?” I said as I finished putting on my stilettos.

“You are beautiful.” Oliver praised with evident admiration and he pulled me in his arms. “How did I get a woman as perfect as you?” He rambled, his face going slightly sad and staring for a moment.

I've seen that look other times. It was a kind of sadness mixed with guilt. Like something was wrong, as if he's done something which he regretted.

“Oliver...”  I began, ready to unravel what was happening, but I was interrupted by his demanding lips.

He pulled my body towards him and held me there firmly. Oliver kissed me and I corresponded with the same intensity. How could a kiss show so much? The way his tongue traced my lower lip, and the fact that his hands were around my face gently holding. It was sexy and loving at the same time. With him I had it all: the delicacy of love and lust of passion.

I feel his warm hands over the thin silk when they left my face and slid down the column settling possessively around my waist. The way he held my body next to him, I thought he might have given up on leaving and decided to spend the night in the room. What for me it was fine! I slid my hands on his chest and began to open the buttons of his shirt and then Oliver walked away leaving me standing there wanting for more.

“We should go Mrs. Queen or we'll be late...” He said with the smile returning to his face.

The restaurant Oliver has  chosen was near from the hotel, so we decided to go walking under the clear starry sky of Paris. I don’t know if it was because I was happy, but it looked more beautiful tonight. The moon looked bigger and gleaming, the brightest stars and the air had a delicious smell of dew and exotic flowers. Maybe it was the feeling that Paris caused to us.

Oliver had made a reservation at a restaurant that was facing the river Seine, with a breathtaking view of the Eiffel Tower. We'd just sit in when Oliver's phone started ringing.

“Baby, do you mind if I answer this call? It is from work, I promise I'll be quick, and then lose it the phone.” He asked me.

“Of course.” I nodded smiling at him who stood up and walked away.

I was watching him, Oliver seemed stressed during the phone call. By the way he was moving from one side to the other, I could tell he was arguing with someone. And when he returned to the table, he wasn’t the same smiling Oliver I was used to. Something had happened, something that had left him worried.

“Oliver, is it everything okay? You seem a little off.” I questioned, I wanted him to divide with me his problems, after all that's what a couple do. The votes were for better or for worse!

“I'm sorry, it's just a problem at work. I will not let such nonsense disturb our night.” He spoke, but his forced smile did not fool me, something still was bothering him.

The rest of the dinner went perfectly, Oliver was attentive, romantic, as always, but that little crease of worry between his eyes was still there. He could disguise how much he wanted to, but I knew something was wrong. At the end of dinner Oliver's phone rang again. And again he went away to answer it. I was just watching and I saw from afar when a woman approached him, so he hung up the phone. I noticed the way she approached, they probably knew each other.

But there was something strange in the way they behaved, Oliver looked tense, afraid, and the woman in turn had a haughtiness that was a little scary, the whole truth was: she gave me chills. Her dark hair was pulled back in a hard coke, sober clothes and lips were pressed into a thin line in clear disapproval signal. Everything passed me the idea that this was a person I don’t like to contradict.

Still, I found myself getting up and walked toward them.

“Oliver, will not introduce me to your friend?” I got gently rolling my arm at him, I realized he was startled by my presence.

“Of course.” He said looking a little tense. “This is my wife Felicity.” I stretched my hand to the woman who corresponded with a firm handshake, she seemed a bit too old to be some ex Oliver, and the smile of satisfaction on her face when she saw me confused me “Felicity that's Amanda Waller, my boss“


	2. Chapter 2 - Trust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Here I am with a new chapter!  
> I hope you like it!

 

 

 

>  
> 
> **If I say who I know it just goes to show**
> 
> **You need me less than I need you**
> 
> **Take it from me we do not give sympathy**
> 
> **You can trust me trust nobody**
> 
> **But I said you and me we do not have honesty**
> 
> **The things we do not want to speak**
> 
> **I'll try to get out but I never will**
> 
> **Traffic is perfectly still**
> 
> **(Trust Me - The Fray)**

 

**Felicity Smoak**

 

“It's a pleasure to finally meet you.” Amanda said with a cold voice while she kept a friendly smile.

“It’ a pleasure too” I said pulling my hand as quickly as possible. There was something in the way she looked at me, it made me afraid. Like if I had the answer to all her questions. Okay, maybe I was just being neurotic, but there was something very strange about that woman.

“I was commenting to Oliver you made the right choice, Paris is a place so romantic to spend your honeymoon.”

“It was Oliver’s idea” I said and I felt him move his hand placing it around my waist and holding it strong.

“Of course, it was.” Amanda said turning her dark eyes to my husband. I noticed that they seemed angry, my mind immediately found itself questioning why Oliver’s boss has been here in Paris just in the same period of our honeymoon “I'll let you enjoy the time together.” She said good bye with a polite smile on her lips. It didn’t seem right to me, she smiles didn’t seem a good combination.

Maybe I was being a little neurotic, but the climate became heavier after she appeared, Oliver looked tense and his grip on my waist was strong and protective. Like he was worried that someone would pull me out of his arms.

“She is... friendly...” I said uncertainly. I didn’t want to insult someone I barely knew, as bad as the first impression was.

Oliver's eyebrows shot up and he looked at me.

“Amanda Waller is anything but friendly.”  His voice was serious.

“How can you work for her?”  I blurted.  I was relieved to know that he had the same opinion as me. “There's something scary about her.”  I confessed, the woman gave me the creeps!

“Don’t be afraid of her baby, I'm here with you.” He said pulling me into his arms and shaking my body against his. Snuggled there, I rested my head on his chest and inhaled that good scent only Oliver has. “I protect you.”  I laughed at that joke, but as soon as I raised my eyes to Oliver's face I realized how much his face was serious and determined.

Maybe I really should fear that woman.

***

After the surprise meeting with Amanda Waller, Oliver was a little tense and distant. He looked worried, walked clutching my hand and watching everything around us, as if at any moment a suicide bomber would appear and explode all around us. He just didn’t relax.

We left the restaurant and we decided to walk a bit before returning to the hotel. I wanted to enjoy that incredible night, like every other couple in love would do in Paris. But Oliver wasn’t really present. He was even listening to me, just agreeing with everything I said. I was completely oblivious to my presence.

The night earlier, I thought was beautiful, now it seemed so dull.

“This is a disaster!” I unburdened frustrated, after the fifth time I tried to start a conversation with Oliver. We were on our honeymoon and of course my husband had his mind in somewhere, far away from me.

“You’re right.” He agreed without paying attention to what I was saying, his gaze was fixed on a hat of lord sitting on a bench a few meters from us.

That was the last drop of water I snorted with rage, I dropped my hand from his and I Just marched back to the hotel. Great, we were married for less than forty-eight hours, and things were already going wrong.

“Felicity!” He exclaimed seemed terrified.  He came towards me and pulled me by my arm “What are you doing?” He asked me with confused eyes. The fact that he didn’t understand the reason for my irritation had the power to make me even angrier.

“I don’t know Oliver, what are you doing?” I threw the words were stuck in my throat. “You insisted on this travel, you said that we should enjoy some time together before we start the routine of marriage. Now, you behave like a robot, and don’t pay attention to anything I say! It seems that you rather be anywhere but here.”I said making it clear that I was hurt by his behavior.

I saw Oliver sigh and close his eyes before speaking to me, he seemed to be looking for the right words to say. When he finally opened his eyes and looked directly at me, I noticed a cloud of sorrow clouding his face and immediately I felt bad for confronting him so abruptly, maybe he was in some serious trouble.

“You are right. I'm so sorry that I ruined our moment.” I saw in his eyes that he really felt. “Let me make up for it!” He said, approaching his lips to mine. That wasn’t fair, he knew I just lost my focus when we were so close.

Oliver's mouth didn’t do his usual way to mine. Oh no, it cheated going to my left ear and only the hot breath of him there already left me disoriented.

“There is no other place I want to be in the world. You are my favorite place.” Oliver whispered in my ear, my heart exulted with that statement.

Oliver always seemed to know the right thing to say, and the right thing to do too. His lips traced a slow line unseemly coming kisses my ear and ending in my mouth. And as always when his lips touched mine I forgot the reason to be mad at him. All I wanted, all I needed was to prove more of his addictive taste. My hands took own life and curled on his neck, and I brought him closer to deepen the kiss.

But too soon he walked away.

“I love kissing you, but I believe we are already doing a show here.” He spoke, and I noticed people looking at us. “We need to go to a private place.”

Private place. It means our suite, I blushed with my thoughts. Don’t be silly Felicity! I reproached myself. It's not like you've never done it with Oliver before... several times! Oh God! I was getting even redder. I noticed that Oliver had a little smile on his face, and the look he gave me I noticed that he knew exactly the direction my thoughts had taken.

The way to the hotel seemed long, both were too anxious. Once we got to the hallway of our room and we found ourselves free from the prying eyes, we started kissing hungrily. Oliver pressed me against the wall next to our door while he was searching of the room card in his pockets.

He pulled away from me for a few seconds, just to open the door. I realized at the time he held his breath, that something was wrong.

“We didn’t leave the bedroom door open.” The way he spoke made me terrified “Stay behind me, Felicity”

“But Oliver...” I tried to argue, but to no avail.

“Just stay behind me.” He reinforced with a serious voice.

It's not like someone was in the room waiting to attack us. But Oliver was so nervous about that possibility, that I let myself be infected by the feeling of fear. He pushed the door slowly and he silently entered the room and I followed him nervously, I’m trying not to make noise, luckily the room was carpeted and drowned out the sound of my shoes. I watched the place, but everything was just as we had left, I let me breathe relieved. Oliver was just being paranoid.

“There is someone here.” He insisted and put me protectively behind him.

Oliver was right. There was someone in the room, but not a thief, a murderer or whatever was going on in his head. It was just the hotel maid who took a huge fright when she left the bathroom and ran into Oliver there, looking at her as if he could kill her with his bare hands.

“I'm sorry Mr. Queen, I was informed that you leave the suite.” The maid said nervously “I'm so sorry.”

“There is no problem” I said softly, trying to calm the girl, who just nodded and left the room with incredible speed. I could not blame her, Oliver had a murderous look on his face.

“Are you okay, Oliver? You're looking a little...” I watched his face trying to understand what was going on there, I took one of my hands to his arm trying to calm him. “...stressed.”

My touch seemed to wake him up immediately, his beautiful ocean-colored eyes met mine, they seemed to have so much to say. He shook his head as if trying to cast out a bad thought, and gave me a small smile then.

“I'm not well Felicity.”

“What is wrong?” I asked worriedly.

“We are on our honeymoon and so far I have not enjoyed the benefits of having you as my wife.” He said and pulled me closer to him.

“I can make the same claim.”

“You look beautiful in that dress Mrs. Queen…” I smiled, I knew what would come later “…but I prefer you without it.” He spoke, and his eyes came hungrily at me, making me feel hot on that look.

Oliver slid his hands down to my body and dress of fine silk made every touch of him even sexier. His hands reached the straps and he pulled down making the thin fall to the ground under my feet. Oliver's mouth took mine in a desperate kiss, full of passion. My eager hands stripped off his shirt and I reveled in the feeling of having his skin next to mine.

“This is our first time as Mr. and Mrs. Queen, we need to do it right.” He told me with a smile, I knew he was loving call me Miss Queen, he had already done it a dozen times. I think it's something primitive, the fact that I carry his last name gave him a sense of ownership. Not that I minded, I knew I belonged to Oliver, I felt it in every cell of my body.

“You can’t miss it, baby, we practice a lot.” I returned while I slid my fingers over his biceps.

“You know what they say about practice... It makes perfect.”

Oliver turned to kiss me, and walked slowly pushing me towards the bed where he laid me gently, he pulled away a bit, finished undressing and covered my body with his. Soon he was spreading kisses and small bites the extent of my neck. His touch made me goose bumps, it had been that way since our first time, this strange and absurd attraction between us.

“You were the best thing that happened to me.” he told me looking directly into my eyes, my heart rejoiced at his words and I smiled, I want to say that he was also the best thing of my life, but then his demanding lips claimed mine and I could not talk, just tried show through my actions how much I loved him and I was happy to have him in my life.

***

I woke up alone in bed. I groped searching for Oliver’s warm body, but he wasn’t beside me. In fact, he wasn’t anywhere in the room. I looked at the digital clock on the bedside table, was 2.30am in the morning. What did make him get up so early? Where had he gone? And why did he not warn me?

I left those doubts corroding me as time passed and he didn’t appear, my mind already following a dangerous path. There was something in Oliver, there had always been something that I deliberately ignored, as the fact that he never speak directly about his family or his job. At first, I thought it was because he was a private person, but then it was becoming obvious the way he seemed to get away from my questions and give me vague answers.

I just ignore those little things, because being with Oliver made me happy. I wonder if I did the right thing, because we were starting a life together and that meant sharing our fears, our story, I did it when I told him about my father and my complicated relationship with my mother. But Oliver didn’t do the same. He almost never spoke to me about his family, except he was fatherless and didn’t have much contact with his mother and sister who lived in New York. I didn’t insist much on the subject, because I realized how sad he was every time I ask about them. I remember separated an invitation to our wedding for him to send to them, but I saw him days before our marriage looking for the invitation with a lost look. He decided not to invite them. Whatever happened, I hoped that one day he felt well enough to share with me.

I hoped that marriage would change things, and he will be opened, but I was beginning to realize that this may not happen so quickly. It already passed four o'clock when I heard the bedroom door open, I closed my eyes and I lay pretending to still asleep.

Oliver removed his clothes and lay down carefully beside me, pulling me close to his body twisting in me, and I ended up falling asleep again in the warmth of his arms. Later, when we woke up, he told me nothing, quite the contrary acted as if he had never left. It would not have been a problem if it had not been repeated in some other nights of our travel. And like the first time, Oliver went on pretending that nothing happened.

I concluded that he should suffer some kind of insomnia, but I decided to ask him about it later. It was not worth ruining our trip with it.

***

The two weeks we plan had to be shortened to ten days because Oliver received an urgent call to return to work. But still every moment we spent in Paris was unique and special, we visited museums, we ate dinner at amazing restaurants and we spent long, long time in our hotel room, just enjoying each other's company. I would remember this travel my whole life.

Oliver was registering our exit and I was waiting for him in the hall. It was a shame to have to end our honeymoon earlier, but I was happy. We enjoyed every moment in this city, and I was even more in love with him. In addition, there was something exciting to return to Starling City, we finally would start our life together. And I was looking forward to it, for this routine to be married to Oliver.

I was so distracted by my own thoughts that I didn’t notice when someone bumped into me.

“I'm sorry, Miss.” A gentleman apologized and he helped me up from the floor. I took the hand he offered and looked directly into his eyes. There was something familiar there, but I couldn’t remember exactly where I had seen them before.

“Thanks.” I thanked. He just nodded, put his hat back on his head and left smiling. I smiled too, because it was rare to see someone who still wore hats nowadays. I realized later that this gentleman had left something in my hand. A small ticket.

I looked around for the man, but he had disappeared leaving only one piece of paper in my hand, I opened it. **Do not trust him**. It was written in bold letters. Those four words made me cringe, I looked at Oliver, who was still talking to the girl at the desk and he smiled at me.

I put the note in my pocket and I started to think about his strange disappearances overnight. I thought about how he was reserved about his past, about his family.

“Do you ready to go?” Oliver approached with a smile. I nodded, feeling the weight of that ticket in my coat pocket.

How much do I really know my husband?

 


	3. Chapter 3 - I don't wanna lose you

 

>  
> 
> **Cause I don't wanna lose you now**
> 
> **I'm lookin' right at the other half of me**
> 
> **The vacancy that sat in my heart**
> 
> **Is a space that now you hold**
> 
> **Show me how to fight for now**
> 
> **And I'll tell you, baby, it was easy**
> 
> **Comin' back into you once I figured it out**
> 
> **You were right here all along**
> 
> **It's like you're my mirror**
> 
> **My mirror staring back at me**
> 
> **I couldn't get any bigger**
> 
> **With anyone else beside me**
> 
> **And now it's clear as this promise**
> 
> **That we're making**
> 
> **Two reflections into one**
> 
> **Cause it's like you're my mirror**
> 
> **(Mirrors - Madilyn Bailey Acoustic Cover)**

 

**Felicity Smoak**

_“Daddy, why do you have to go?” I asked as I watched him drag his suitcase to the door. My mother had gone to her room and started to cry compulsively. I was only a six year old little girl who didn’t understand anything that was going on and no one wanted to tell me. But I knew something was very wrong._

_My father bent down to get my height, he put one knee on the floor and rested his elbow on the other. There was a smile on his face, but it wasn’t a happy smile, happy smiles came up people's eyes and small wrinkles formed at the ends. I knew he was just trying to comfort me, pretending that it wasn’t a big thing. I could even be a child, but I didn’t buy the acting._

_“Sometimes, Licity, adults needs to do things they don’t want to do.” He answered carefully, his eyes glittered with the accumulation of tears he was trying not to drop._

_“If they don’t want to do, why they do?_

_“Because it's the right thing, and it doesn’t always makes us happy.” I didn’t understand, I didn’t see how anything could be correct and at the same time make people sad._

_“Being adult looks bad. I don’t want to grow up.”  I said revolted, crossing my arms and sulk my face._

_“Don’t think it, darling! There are so many good things that I'm sure you will do when you grow up!” His countenance was proud and thrilled. He put one hand on my chin, making me look directly at him “You're so smart! I'm sure you will grow and do amazing things, as incredible as...” He paused as he appears something on his other hand “…solve this Rubik's Cube!”_

_I immediately laughed, because I had done it countless times! It wasn’t difficult for me. My father gave to me a smile, a real one this time. We were so in tune, he taught me so many things. I would miss us._

_“Daddy ... That's easy! I prefer to play to assemble computers.” I complained._

_“Don’t underestimate the Rubik’s Cube” he spoke too seriously “because this is a truly magical cube” he emphasized the word magical. “It can help you bring Dad back home faster.” I held my breath at that moment, I could be a smart girl for my age, but every child is fascinated by magic, no matter how silly it seems, every child believes “Now I want you to promise me you'll keep it very carefully for Dad.”_

_“I'm will, Daddy.” I promised with conviction, holding the cube strongly against my chest. At that moment I really believed that it was magical, and that somehow it would bring my father back to me._

_“So… I promise I'll be back.” He spoke with a faraway look and then he pulled me into a hug so tight that left me breathless. I could feel that he was crying and then I cried too. I cried because I was losing something that I never would be able to recover._

_After a few minutes my father let me go, he wiped the tears - his and mine - he gave me a forehead kiss and then he left. And I never saw him again._

_I tried using the magic cube to bring him back home several times, but it never worked. As I got older I realized that there was no magic, and I accepted the sad truth: My father had abandoned his family._

_That was why I rarely trust on people, my father's departure taught me that people lie and didn’t care how much it hurts the others._

***

I looked at the magic cube in my hands, we were organizing the many boxes I brought to Oliver's apartment, we decided that it'd be better if I move to his apartment, because it was bigger and closer to my work. I didn’t understand how that toy had come to be here, I remembered having left in my mother’s house years ago.

I tried didn’t think too much about my father, he was a part of my life I tried to forget and most of the time I do it. It was just a sad reminder in a little girl past, although his abrupt departure has defined so much of whom I am today. I liked to think that I had become a strong woman and overcome it completely.

“Hey, are you okay?” Oliver asked me, he always had that worried look on his face when he noticed that something seemed not okay with me, or when I was too thoughtful. It was one of the many qualities that I loved in him, how he seemed to read my emotions and care with them.

Oliver was the person who made me open, made me believe that I should give a chance for love. I should allow myself to love and be loved, because not always love hurts. When I think of our story so far, since the day we met at the coffee shop I see that gradually he was conquering me, being my friend, my confidant and finally my lover. Oliver was all that I needed him to be in every moment of my life, I was a lucky woman, and I couldn’t to fall in love with someone better.

So it was so hard to think in the note or in his strange disappearances at night. I didn’t want to think about it, so I chose to forget. I convinced myself that it was nothing, the hat man was just playing with me and I was determined not to let these little things ruin my marriage. Oliver loves me and I could feel it in the sweet way he looked at me, the way he held me protectively.

“I am fine.” I said, smiling at Oliver, and throwing the cube back into that box, ready to leave the past in the past and just focus on now “Actually, fine is not the right word, I'm happy to have you in my life.”  I told approaching him and holding his hands. I didn’t want sad memories in my new life. I just wanted to be happy with Oliver.

He just stared at our hands together. He seemed to be in an internal war. I could not understand what was going on in his mind sometimes, but it was normal there was a part of Oliver he left never appear, a part that he kept carefully away from me and everyone. And then his blue eyes then turned to mine, he smiled, his arms wrapped around my waist and he held me tight.

“I'm happy too.”  He whispered softly in my ear, as if that were a very important secret.

***

I was married a few weeks and I could say that life was simple. Every day before work we had a coffee in the cafe we met. I liked to think we had made there place our special place. Oliver was always attentive and affectionate with me, always asking me about my day, if I had talked to my mother. I just loved how I could tell him everything (let's get something clear I am a person who just can not stop talking) I wish this was a two-way street, but unfortunately it wasn’t, Oliver was always vague about his family and even about his work.

The worst part of my day was work. Not that I didn’t love what I do.  I’m an I.T. girl, I work with security, encryption systems, software and it was everything I ever wanted and Stellmor International was the perfect company for doing that. There was only one small problem, one who uses very high heels, had a Russian accent, and whose personal goal was making my life miserable: Isabel Rochev, also known as my nothing adorable boss, the devil woman…

So it was a relief when I came home and found Oliver cooking. Seeing him there, knowing he was mine, it had the power to make my terrible day disappear from my mind. It was something simple and good. In addition, Oliver Queen was gorgeous wearing an apron! What nonsense! He was handsome anyway.

Oliver no longer disappeared at night, and although I wanted to ask him about this event, I always ended up sweeping the thought to a dark corner of my brain, that little corner where I hid the truths that I had no courage to face. At least, until that night.

I woke up with a noise of a thunder, lightning lit up the whole room and I realized I was alone in bed. I searched for Oliver throughout the apartment, but like when we were in Paris, I didn’t find him. So I just sat on the couch and waited. I felt like a wife that waits her traitor husbands return from binge. I heard the noise of the door opening, Oliver stagnated as soon as he saw me.

“Oliver… Why did you disappear at night sometimes?” I asked him with a trembling voice, he looked at me with regret in his eyes. I thought I'd see guilt or embarrassment of being caught, but I wasn’t prepared for that sad look.

“Do you know since when…?”  his voice came on the line.

“Since Paris” I sighed “Do you have a ...” I could not say the word just thinking about it my heart ached, but I needed to clarify this soon.

“No! Of course not, Felicity!” he vehemently denied approached, sitting on the couch next to me and his hand sought mine, I just pulled away from his touch, I would not be condescend with him until I get the answers I wanted, I need to be strong, I know that Oliver was expert in distracting me. He sighed in frustration to see that I wouldn’t be so easy. “I would never do that to you!” He spoke with conviction, looking straight into my eyes.

“So, explain to me what's going on.” I demanded, still keeping some distance between us.

Oliver seemed to ponder for a few minutes, but when he finally spoke, what I heard wasn’t exactly what I expected.

“There are some nights I can’t sleep, and I don’t want to wake you. I just need to walk a bit to clear my mind.” He explained, but I felt that this wasn’t the whole truth, there was something else, something he tried to hide.

“Is it about your family?” I ascertained, and he seemed alarmingly “I know you didn’t send to them our wedding invitation. I don’t know what happened between you and your family, but I want you to trust me enough to share with me, Oliver.”

“It's just very complicated” He confessed avoiding my eyes and staring at nothing, seeing his sad look it hurt me.

“Please, Oliver” I asked with a soft voice, bringing his face close to mine and looking directly into the immensity of his eyes, I needed him to open up to me, I needed to know why he was so sad. “I told you about my father, about how his departure hurt me and you heard me, you helped me realize that love doesn’t always bring only pain. Let me do the same for you.”

He sought my hand again, and this time I didn’t pull away.

“You know my father died a few years ago” I nodded, shaking his hand, supporting him to continue “but I wasn’t told how he died”.

“And how did he die?”  I pressed a little when I realized he hadn’t continued.

“He was murdered by a co-worker, someone he trusted” Oliver's voice was full with a hatred and anger so big that I shuddered, I had never heard it that way, he was always kind when he talks to me “the friend locked him in a room on fire, my family cannot even make a decent burial.”

I took a deep breath and caressed his hand with mine.

“I'm so sorry Oliver.” I said, horrified by the way he had lost his father.  “I wish there was a way to take the pain from you.”  I hated to see him suffer.

“I just need this man pay for what he did to my family” Oliver's hand closed into a fist in I could see the strain placed on that simple movement like he was dying inside. “They never found the murdered, he just disappeared.”

“Sometimes life isn’t fair, sometimes people are bad with no explanation to be. But we can not lose our faith, we can not lose ourselves. If we do that, they win. And we lose what good life has.”

Oliver smiled at me, looking impressed with my little speech.

“You are not like I imagined.” he said taking a hand to my face making a little affection and fixing his eyes on my lips. “You're good.” I did not understand what he meant by his statement, but then his mouth was on mine and I could no longer think coherently, I just needed more Oliver Queen.

***

The previous morning was different, and I'm not saying it because Oliver finally opened up to me and told me about his father. It was something about the way we made love, it was something other less carnal than it used to be and more emotional. Although it was also great, I felt that we were more connected than ever, and that was the reason for the huge smile that I couldn’t get out of my face.

It was Saturday morning, Oliver had left early to solve something from work and I took the opportunity to sleep a little more. I was tired after the hectic night we had, I would have rested if the doorbell didn't ring  incessantly forcing me to get up and answer it.

I felt the blood disappear from my face and my permanent smile faded quickly when I realized who it was.

“Good morning, Licity.” the man with a hat spoke with a smile. “We need to talk about your husband.”

***

**Oliver Queen**

There are consequences when you work for a government organization like ARGUS. The double life you need to have, the secrets you have to hide, the lies that come out of your mouth so naturally that sometimes you get lost among so many stories you told. The dangers that you subject yourself, the enemies who you end up doing during your missions. With time you learn not to care and all end up being just expendable parts in an elaborate chess game.

But Felicity Smoak wasn't just a pawn. Not even a king who should be protected at all costs. No, she was the Queen, she was powerful and able to change the entire game.

It wasn’t fair to do this to her, I cursed myself every day for lying to her. But I doubted that I could run away now, the fine line between what was my mission and what was reality had been outdated a long time ago, and I had no idea how to fix this mess. All I knew was that she changed me in a unique way, she made me feel alive, and she made me want things I never dare to want before.

Contrary to all my duties, I had fallen in love with her.

I don’t know if this feeling was clouding my reason, but every day I spent with Felicity Smoak I was sure that something was very wrong about my mission. She was someone good. Someone who didn’t deserve what I was doing to her.

“Amanda!” I exclaimed, as soon as I entered the room and looked at the woman standing staring at the computer screen. She was such a cold person, at this point I should already be accustomed to the unorthodox methods she used to get what she want. “You lied to me.”

 


	4. The perfect sky is torn

 

>  
> 
> **I thought I saw a man brought to life**
> 
> **He was warm he came around**
> 
> **Like he was dignified**
> 
> **He showed me what it was to cry**
> 
> **Well, you couldn't be that man I adored**
> 
> **You don't seem to know or seem to care**
> 
> **What your heart is for**
> 
> **I don't know him anymore**
> 
> **There's nothing where he used to lie**
> 
> **My conversation has run dry**
> 
> **That's what's going on**
> 
> **Nothing's fine**
> 
> **I'm torn**
> 
> **(Torn - Natalie Imbruglia)**

                                                                               

**Felicity Smoak**

 

"We need to talk about your husband.”

I was out of reaction for a few seconds. He was the man with the hat who was in Paris and he had given me that note. Had he followed me at home? How could he know where I lived? And why had he called me Licity? How could he know? No one had called me like this for twenty years... Unless... No, it would be impossible. I immediately dismissed the absurd line that my mind had dared to take.

Whoever he is, he had already crossed the line between the mysterious and the disturbingly scary. I could not imagine what he might want from me, and as much as I was curious to understand what he was doing, I wasn’t stupid, it isn’t normal this kind of persecution.

I tried to close the door, but my reaction was late. He had already entered the apartment and he sat on the couch as if he was a normal guest. He was even so comfortable that he took the trouble to remove his hat and put it on the coffee table.

“I'll call the police.” I threatened him, and I did a mental analysis of how long it would take me to get to my phone I had left on the bed and make the call. The man didn't seem bothered by my threat, on the opposite he smiled at me as if he was finding everything very funny.

"And what will you say? A kind sir knocked on my apartment door and wanted to talk to me? Oh please, Licity.” I didn't like the way he said my nickname, it was almost sweet “I know you're curious. It's who you are, a mystery bothers you and you feel you need to solve them.” His voice was thrilled. "You will not send me away until you know who I am and why I'm here."

He was correct, mysteries bothered me. I wanted to understand what this strange man wanted from me. And yes, that part of me who loved reading Sherlock Holmes and Hercule Poirot was already working on all the possibilities and theories. And all this seemed to have a certain amount of danger, which made all the mystery even more tempting.

I leaned my body against the wall next to the door, keeping me at a safe distance and having an easy escape route in case my guest was a real madman. I decided since I could not get rid of him so easily I could at least try to solve that charade.

"How do you know so much about me?" I asked. I had few friends, most of them were co-workers, my family was made up of just me and my mother. And besides, I was a reserved person, details like my childhood nickname it wouldn’t be something so easy to figure out.

"It's a long story, we'll leave it for another time… with a cup of coffee, maybe in that coffee shop you met your husband, Oliver.” I took a deep breath, I was wondering if I should run right now. It was obvious that this man was following me a long time ago. Like I said, I should run, he could be a stalker or a serial killer, or even worse a serial killer and stalker! But there was something in his eyes, something familiar that made me almost trust him. I said almost.

"Are you spying on me?" I asked. "Why?"

"Spying is such an ugly word. Let's just say that I was just waiting for the moment that you would need my help." he replied politely.

"Why do you think I need your help? My life is great, I just married someone I love, I have a good job.” Maybe I was overreacting in the job thing, my boss was still a witch whose only purpose in life was to torment me, but anyway not everything can be perfect. It was that story of luck in love and bad luck in  the game, in this case games was my job. "You see, it's everything okay, you can go now." I said, that talk wasn’t going anywhere. Probably this guy was just a madman who ran away from the hospice, and for some reason that only Freud explains, he decided to pursue me.

"I can’t leave because you're in danger, Licity, and you need me." He said with a serious look in my direction.

"Stop calling me that!" I almost screamed. For years no one had called me that, and in less than fifteen minutes he had said it three times. The man's face fell a little because of the  abrupt form which I addressed him, and I felt good for taking off that smug smile he boasted with so much pride.

"I hate to ruin your happily ever after," he began to say, he’s looking at me a little less presumptuous now, but even more serious. “Your life isn’t perfect as your husband makes you think. Oliver Queen is lying to you.”

"What? Did you think I'd believe you? A man I've never seen and who has been chasing after me?” I accused, crossing my arms. I didn’t know what his problem with Oliver was, but there was definitely something personal there.

"I understand you, it can be difficult to accept the person you love is lying to you. But I need to help you, Licity, I don’t want him to even expose you more to danger! Or he hurt you, because believe me, he will.” I took a deep breath and I stared at him, he said it with such a conviction it was impossible not to shake me. But still, I could not understand how that would be possible. Oliver loves me, and you don’t hurt the person you love. That is simple.

"You're wrong, Oliver loves me."

"Maybe he loves you, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t lie to you." he crossed his legs and looked directly at me. "What does your husband really do? What's his job?”

“He's an architect.”

“Oh, really?” His face was amused. "Have you ever seen some work from him? A project, maybe? Those things that architects use to draw? "I was speechless, I had never seen anything about Oliver’s work. In fact, he said he worked in a building next to mine, but I didn’t know where it was. For God sake! I didn’t know where my own husband worked. The man smiled at me, pleased for knowing he was right.

"But I know his boss.” I said, grabbing myself on it.

"Do you know Amanda Waller?" He narrowed his eyes at me, he looked worried now.

“Yes, she is a very...“ I would not say she terrified me “... nice person.”

"That's not good, Licity, you need to be careful, Amanda Waller is anything but nice." he warned me, at least one thing I was sure: This man really knew my husband's boss. “And if she's already approaching to you, this can’t be good. Things are more dangerous than I thought.” His tone was serious and urgent, and honestly it was almost scary. The way he spoke, the look on his face, he looked really worried.

"I think it's time to end this conversation." I said ready to put an end into it.

"Tell me one last thing, Licity.” I huffed in rage when he spoke my nickname for the fifth time. Yes, I was counting. "Do you even know his family?"

"He doesn’t have a good relationship with his family," I replied, at least about it he had spoken to me.

“This is a lie! And I can prove it, every time he said he was traveling by work he was in New York with his mother and sister. What kind of man doesn’t invite his own family for his wedding?

"You're the one who's lying." I accused, but I didn’t sound very convinced. I actually seemed to be trying to convince myself of that.

“Am I?” he challenged, raising one eyebrow.

"You need to leave now," I said, opening the door for him, I needed to think about it. Because as much as I wanted to deny, the things this stranger had told me made all the sense.

"He warned me you were stubborn, but I didn’t think it was that much." He said, shaking his head, getting up from the couch and taking his hat from the table, and he put it on his head. "But I'm persistent. Call me when you need my help.” He said, giving me a card as he passed me. I had noticed that he said "when" I needed his help and not "if" it was as if it were only a matter of time before I came to him.

I watched him walk out the door, and I lock it, I didn’t want to have any more surprises that day. I turned my eyes to the personal card it was on my hand, there wasn’t a name on it just the letter J glowing with a cell phone number just below it. This "J" really knew how to make a mystery, I thought. I turned the card and on the other side of it was a raised design.

It was a drawing of a rubik’s cube.

***

Saying that I was well after that visit, it was the euphemism of the year. Even he was gone, all the things he told me were hanging around in my head. And I've been thinking about it all day long. I wanted to deny it, but the truth is there were many things about Oliver that I still didn’t know.

I used to think he was just one of those reserved people, but I was beginning to think that maybe the truth was that Oliver was a person with secrets. Our own marriage was proof of that. The ceremony had been simple and small, in fact I had invited few people. Only my mother, a few colleagues from work. Anyway, it was strange that Oliver had only invited his best man John and his wife Lyla. And even stranger, I only met them the day before the wedding.

He was beginning to open up to me. He had told me about his father, but still, there was a lot more about Oliver, things I didn’t know, things he might want to hide from me. I was beginning to realize that I didn’t really know him, maybe the love I felt for him had clouded my thoughts, it prevented me from seeing reality. Maybe J knew him, maybe J knew more, after all, J seemed to know a lot.

Well, I used the word maybe a lot.

Everything was very uncertain, but even that little doubt was enough to make me nervous. Did I doubt that Oliver loved me? Well, not exactly, I mean... You trust the person you love, right? You don’t keep secrets, you talk about your family, about your job. On the other hand, I couldn’t ignore the way Oliver seemed to be always careful with me, the way he kissed me and held me possessively. He loved me, I saw it in his eyes, I felt loved by him! I sighed. I would spend hours thinking about it and I could never come up with a satisfactory answer.

I changed the line of my thinking and I looked at the card with the cube, I couldn’t stop to think about my father when I saw it. How had he said to me? That the cube would bring him back home, just a foolish child to believe in such nonsense, I conclude resentfully. But still it was an incredible coincidence.

I was thinking of my father when Oliver opened the door, and I immediately put the card in my pocket. He definitely had some secrets, I thought. And well, I was starting to have some too.

Oliver looked thoughtful and distant, he didn’t come to me, he didn’t greet me with an usual kiss. In fact, he didn’t even look like he was seeing me there. There was something on his face that I couldn’t comprehend, but whatever it was, he looked tormented.

“Is everything all right?” I asked, really worried. I loved Oliver Queen, even if people told me he had some secrets. I wasn’t able to not love him, he'd conquered me in a way I could not imagine my life without him.

He just stared at me with empty eyes. I was shocked, because Oliver's eyes were a deep blue immensity and they were always so expressive, I used to feel in peace when my eyes lost on his, it felt so good, because I saw in his eyes how much he loved me. But this time there was nothing but a big blue sea of nothing.

“Everything is perfect.” He said absently, looking away from me. "I'm going to take a shower." He announced and left, heading toward the bedroom.

I didn’t understand his behavior, he was always affectionate with me. But now there was this strange distance between us. Something was wrong. Was it a secret? I didn’t care I wouldn’t stand and waiting for the answer to fall from the sky.

I had a few minutes before Oliver left the shower, I wasn’t sure what I was looking for. I just needed an answer, something that proved to me that I had not married with a complete stranger. That I shouldn’t trust on the old stranger who wore a hat. I needed this comfort, I needed to tell my heart the man I love loves me back.

I didn’t know exactly what to look for, I just had to do something to calm down that part of my brain that told me J might be right. Then I looked at every part of that room, in every drawer, in every corner or box in the back of the closet. And I didn’t find anything unusual.

At last I checked the dresser, I started with the sock’s drawer. Everything was arranged in an almost methodical manner, it was separated by colors, sizes and fabric types. I realized that Oliver was an extremely organized person.

I didn’t find anything there, but there was something bothering me. This drawer was different than others; it looked smaller than the others. I felt a bottom and I found a small junction. A false background, I realized. I put the wood away and looked at what was hidden there. What I saw there, it scared me. I wanted to scream, I wanted to cry, I wanted to run away. Far away from Oliver. I was so shocked by what I saw that I barely noticed the noise of the shower being turned off. I didn’t resist and I touched the icy metal and immediately I shuddered.

Why would Oliver have a gun hidden in his sock’s drawer?

I heard the sound of the knob being turned, I just had time to close the drawer and lean against the dresser and pray that Oliver wouldn’t open it and notice something out of place. Soon after, Oliver came into the room, he was wrapped in the towel with his bare torso still wet. I would have been excited with that sight, but at the moment I was too terrified to think about it.

I was sure he noticed the look of fear on me or at least the terrified expression on my face. I was a terrible disguise of what I was feeling or thinking.

"I'm so disappointed with you." The tone of his voice was accusatory, I held my breath and I swallowed hard clutching the dresser behind me. I felt a cold shiver run down my spine when I realized that Oliver might have caught me in the act, I let myself be overwhelmed by the feeling of fear. Oliver was walking toward me with an intense look in his eyes, he seemed really annoyed with me. I became even more nervous when his arms settled on either side of my body and pinned me to the dresser.

I looked deep into his eyes. The intense blue seemed clouded with a mixture of contradictory emotions which I identified as desire and anger. Lots of anger.

 


	5. We made a vow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, I'm so sorry. I would like to have updated before, but I'm looking for a beta and I haven't found one yet.
> 
> I'm tired of waiting, so here I am with another chapter.  
> I hope you like and I'm sorry for any mistakes...

 

 

> **You and me, we made a vow**
> 
> **For better or for worse**
> 
> **I can't believe you let me down**
> 
> **But the proof is in the way, it hurts**
> 
> **For months on end I've had my doubts**
> 
> **Denying every tear**
> 
> **I wish this would be over now**
> 
> **But I know that I still need you here**
> 
> **You say I'm crazy**
> 
> **Cause you don't think I know what you've done**
> 
> **But when you call me baby**
> 
> **I know I'm not the only one**
> 
> **(I’m not the only one - Sam Smith)**

**Felicity Smoak**

"You didn’t join me in the shower," he said, giving me a sexy half-smile. I let myself breathe again, but I still wasn’t completely relieved. I couldn’t be, because despite the words and the playful tone, Oliver still seemed annoyed at something. I could see through his smile, definitely something wasn’t right.

I gave him a nervous smile, trying to erase the tension, it was the best I could do, I didn’t trust my voice to say something. I will probably ruin everything, I tend to be a terrible liar. Oliver smiled back at me warmly this time, one of his hands went up to my cheek making a little affection there. How could someone who has a hidden gun handle such a sweet gesture?

"I think I deserve an apology for that lapse, don’t you think?" His hard body pressed against the dresser.

“Hum ... I'm sorry?” I spoke so softly I barely heard my own voice.

"What do I do with you?" he whispered, looking directly into my eyes, I felt intimidated by his so intense look, “You are in all my thoughts, I lose my reason because you. I should follow one path, but I see myself following another. Wanting other things, things I shouldn’t want.” There was something in his voice, Oliver seemed to blame me for something “You're changing everything.” He let the last words escape.

"Oliver..." I started to speak and my voice quivered a bit. I was still shaken by what I had found in his sock’s drawer, and now he was coming with that utterly unrelated speech. "What are you talking about?" He sighed and he closed his eyes looking annoyed and a little sad, I couldn’t define exactly. He took a few deep breaths, seemed to be thinking seriously about something. I thought about taking advantage of his distraction and getting out of there, but his touch was strong, almost possessive.

After what seemed like a few minutes he opened up his eyes, he seemed calmer now, the anger I had seen burning in his irises seemed to fade away, and it had given way to something other than an almost predatory glow that I knew well.

"I'm talking about you, about your scent that torments me." He lowered his lips to my neck and pressed his body against mine, letting me feel the intensity of his desire for me. I was confused, mainly because I wanted him so much and it scared me. I had found a gun hidden in our room, I was sure Oliver wasn’t the person I thought he was, but my body seemed to disagree with my mind. Because as soon as Oliver's body approach to mine, I felt myself compelled to him. His warm lips began to kiss and bite my neck, and his hands came down to my waist squeezing me tight.

His beard scratches the skin on my face and it made me shiver, and when I saw it, I was already panting. His lips made way for my mouth and he kissed me passionately.

I was forgetting everything, forgetting what I had found in his drawer, forgetting the warning from J that I was in danger, forgetting that the man who was kissing me right now might not have been Oliver Queen with whom I got married, maybe he was a complete stranger.

His hands went down to the base of my shirt and pulled it out in a swift, fluid movement, my bra gone with the same speed. I was merely aware that Oliver was carrying me to bed, everything was actually a big blur around me.

Oliver's body was over mine, his hands were pulling off my pants, touching me provocatively, his mouth on my body tasting it.

I just felt that Oliver needed me, and that my body didn’t want to stop responding to his caresses. I needed him too, I needed his kisses and his caresses, I needed to forget the confusion it was in my mind. And that's what I did, I let Oliver's body make me forget. I left the feel of our skins touching, our breath panting and our hearts racing, I let all this take care of me and my thoughts.

So when he filled me in, I felt satisfied and complete. I felt as if nothing else existed in the world. I forgot everything at the time. There were only the two of us moving at the same pace, the two of us seeking for pleasure and at the end finding it.

I snuggled into Oliver's arms when we were done, no word was said, we just slept after that. But I knew that everything was different now.

I woke up a few hours later feeling guilty and confused. I was guilty for using sex to forget. And confused because despite all of Oliver's secrets I felt I loved him even more. Sex had been a mistake, a very good mistake, but still a mistake. I sat on the bed and just stared him. I sighed. It was time to face reality and make some decisions.

I needed to be rational. Oliver may have a gun, but that doesn’t make him a killer or it means he's going to kill someone. Right? Well... What else is a gun for? I wondered. I needed answers, and I needed to be away from Oliver to get them. I got up and started putting on my clothes quickly, when I put on my pants I checked if the "J" card was still there.

“Where are you going?” I heard Oliver's husky, sleepy voice say, I was sitting on the edge of the bed put on my shoes.

"I need to go to work, Isabel called and I didn’t want to wake up you." I lied, thankful for not looking in his eyes. I was a lousy liar, but it tended to be worse when I made eye contact with the person.

***

**Oliver Queen**

I watched Felicity leave our bedroom, something was going on with her, I could usually identify what it was because she was the kind of person who let all her feelings show up, at least for me. She was truthful.

That was one of the things that made me doubt of Amanda Waller. Felicity didn’t look like the kind of dangerous person, she didn’t seem like the kind of person I was used to dealing with. And she was definitely not the kind of person who deserved to be used the way I was using her.

I remember the first time I saw her, in the file Waller had given me. A blonde girl with glasses, she graduated from MIT with a master's degree in Cyber Security and Computer Sciences, she was the typical nerd girl. I was surprised when Amanda told me that Felicity Smoak was the daughter of my father's murderer. Because I could not see how someone who looked so good could have something in common with a cold and unscrupulous killer.

But I accepted the mission, I approached her. I became her friend first and then something else, she opened up to me, I made her fall in love with me. Shit. I should have realized before, all the signs were there! If I had not just let myself get so involved, maybe things would be different today. Maybe Felicity was safe and away from all the complications I brought into her life.

But I was a fool. And when I found out the truth I had already forgotten about the mission, I just wanted to be with her. I just assumed to myself that I loved her on our wedding day, I've never been so nervous in my entire life. It was something planned by Amanda, but it was definitely something I wanted so badly, I was looking forward to it. That feeling was growing on me so gradually that I did not even notice it, when I found out it had already touched me and I was completely surrendered to it. I was someone happier, lighter just for being with Felicity. And I liked that feeling, I liked that other version of myself.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, the scent of Felicity was still on the bed. On our bed. I smiled at that thought, this marriage may have started for the wrong reasons, but as far as I was concerned, it would continue for the right reasons.

I remembered the enlightening conversation I had earlier with the ARGUS leader. Everything had changed because of this conversation...

_“Amanda!” I exclaimed as I entered the room and looked at the woman standing at a computer screen. She was such a cold person, by now I should have been accustomed to her unorthodox methods of getting what she wanted “You lied to me!”_

_"You need to be more specific, Mr. Queen, I lie about lots of things every day," he replied quietly, with some disregard. A cynical smile hung on his lips._

_“Felicity. I don’t think she was involved in all this.” I said directly._

_"Do you want to know if she's innocent?" She smiled at me as she shooed the other people out of the room. "Innocence is something very relative, Mr. Queen," she said._

_"Stop messing with me, Amanda!" I raged, as I banged with my fists on one of the tables, she was not frightened by my action. I honestly doubted if anything in the world could scare her. “I demand the truth!”_

_"Oh, you demand it!? So I have no choice but to give you the truth. But you will not like it.” My heart began to pound frantically inside my chest, I knew that what she would tell me would change everything._

_“Say it!”_

_"Perhaps I exaggerated when I said that Miss Smoak kept in touch with her father.” She said, walking quietly around the room while my gaze followed her. "And I probably overdid it a little more when I said she was helping to hide him."_

_I felt a burden on my heart, I was right after all. Felicity was a good person, and I felt immensely guilty for having approached her with the wrong intentions. I was guilty for having put her in this life, she was better off without me._

_"Did you think you exaggerated? You played with someone's life, Amanda!” but Amanda didn’t seem to care what I said, she just shrugged as if what she had done, or rather made me do, it wasn’t a big deal._

_"But the point is, James Smoak in all his life as a fugitive, always remained close to his daughter. He cares for her, and that gives us an advantage. We have something he wants to protect.” Amanda said excitedly, she seemed to ignore the innocents who would be hurt in this pursuit._

_"You did all this to lure him to her." I was annoyed that Amanda was treating Felicity as a bargaining chip. "That makes it easier to get him."_

_“Do you understand? It's a simple plan. There is nothing to worry about.” She said without care and turned her back to me, turning her gaze to the computer._

_“It isn’t right. We don’t use innocent people and subject them to danger just to get what we want.” I exclaimed, and Amanda turned to me, the cynical smile was no longer on her face, her eyes narrowed in my direction and her lips were tight on a thin line, she was clearly annoyed with our conversation._

_“I’ll run this organization. I decide what is right and what is wrong.” she said in a high and determined tone. "Shall I remind you that you are my employee? You're once again letting a girl get in the way of your mission! Should I remind you of Russia? How did the Rochev girl fool you so easily?”_

_"That was different.” I defended myself. “My situation with Felicity had nothing in common with that mission. That was an isolated case and after that I always succeeded in all my missions.”_

_"No, it was exactly the same. You took pity on the poor girl and let her run away ruining a whole mission." Amanda would never let me forget that, the failure my first assignment at ARGUS had been._

_"The point here, Amanda, is that you made me marry Felicity!" I believed in your words that she wasn’t a good person and I believed you. I thought she would be someone I wouldn’t mind hurting in the end, but now..." I began to throw the words in desperation._

_"But now…. What?" What made you change? Do you care about her? Are you falling for her?”  Her big dark eyes fixed on me, she was scanning me trying to see beyond what I was showing. I stood firm, if Amanda discovered my real feelings for Felicity she would get me off the mission, she would get me out of Felicity. "I see what's going on here," I glared at the prospect she'd actually noticed. "She may be sweet and charming, but she's still the daughter of the man who killed your father.” I let her words hit me, I knew who her father was. I've been looking for him since the day I joined ARGUS ten years ago. But I couldn’t see in her any sign of the cold man who killed my father. No, she was good. Of that I was sure._

_"I know she is his daughter, but that doesn’t make her guilty too!" I exclaimed._

_"We have a chance to get him, and I will not let you ruin it." He finished with an authoritative voice. There's something about Amanda that I never quite understood, she wouldn’t move the world just to go after a former agent who killed his co-worker. There was something else in this story, something she didn’t share with me “ She's just a pretty face, go home, sleep with her and I hope you come back more rational. I will not discuss this again.”_

_“But Amanda...” I tried, but she interrupted me._

_"Do as I said Oliver, or I'll have to remove you from this mission and use Plan B, it's your choice.” He said dryly, giving me a cold look. I could not let Felicity fall into the clutches of Amanda, I needed to protect her._

_“Okay. I'll take the mission.” I sighed in defeat. Amanda just nodded and motioned for me to leave the room._

_I left Amanda's office trying to contain my anger. If I abort the mission now I’ll not know what she could do with Felicity. And I needed to move on with the plan, and find a way not to hurt her in the process, to try to leave her out of everything. I leaned against a wall trying to assess my options: 1) I could tell Felicity everything, and let her hate me - that would be the right thing to do - or 2) I could try to find her father before Amanda and do all this without Felicity finding out, after everything was settled I would leave my job at ARGUS and move with her to a quiet place. That was definitely the stupidest plan, and for sure, what I'd choose._

_"You look tormented." I heard the voice of my friend John. I was so distracted that I didn’t even notice him. "Is this about the girl? Correction, is this about your wife?” I looked directly at him, John Diggle was a perceptive person, he advised me to give up this mission early on, when I had noticed how involved I was. I should have listened to him, but I've always been too proud._

_“Amanda lied about her.” I counted._

_"Why is it not a surprise? I'm sorry for that." he said sympathetically. "Felicity Smoak is anything but a bad person.” I smiled, Diggle had told me that before, but I was too blind to notice._

_"What do I do now, John?" I asked, hoping he would have a solution to my stalemate._

_"I have no idea, man.” He said and my hopes dropped even more, I was lost. "But if it helps, I think you and Felicity were meant for each other. Don’t ruin it, don’t let Waller ruin it.” He slapped me on the back and left._

_I returned to the apartment a few hours later, I tried to ignore Felicity's presence, I needed to think, I was angry with myself for not understanding all Amanda's game before, I was angry that I had fallen in love with Felicity. And I was angry that it was too late now, I couldn’t let her, when I knew that Waller wouldn’t give up on her. I couldn’t leave her even if I wanted to._

_I went straight to the shower and let the cold water fall on my body in a vain attempt to relax me. I tried to organize my thoughts and think what I should do now. I wanted to find my father's killer, I wanted to make him pay for destroying my family. But I could not use Felicity Smoak for that, I wanted to protect her. I desperately needed to protect her. Maybe it was a way to redeem myself for what I did to her initially._

_Now I was determined, I would not lock my feelings. No matter what Amanda say or do. It doesn’t matter who her father was. I had made a choice. I chose Felicity. Besides, I'd made a vow on our wedding day and I'd stick to it._

_I left the bathroom with that thought, I found her leaning against the furniture looking a little scared. Probably she must have realized that something in me wasn’t right, I was still angry at this whole situation. And there was only one thing that would make me better: I needed her, I needed her to calm me down._

***

**Felicity Smoak**

I walked in the street with no destination. I was almost night, it was winter and the cold wind burned on my face, I left home in such a hurry that I did not even remember to take a coat. But I needed to breathe, I had to stay away from Oliver and think rationally. I stopped at a park, I sat down on a bench and picked up the cell phone and J’s card. I stood there trying to take the courage to make the call, I wasn’t ready to face the truth, I didn’t even know if that man would tell me the truth. But still I should do it. The phone rang once, and I heard the sound of a cell phone ringing next to me, I looked back and there he was in an overcoat and his unmistakable hat.

"How did you..." I began to ask.

"I was following you Licity," he said matter-of-factly as he sat beside me on the bench. I'd like to say that I didn’t like this man, but I should admit that he was charismatic “You know, it's not smart to go out alone, you never know when you'll find a stranger with a hat who likes to follow pretty blonde girls.

"A stranger like you?" I asked with a smile.

“Exactly,” he replied, smiling openly, and unconsciously I smiled back. There was something familiar about the way he smiled at me, and I added it to his well-known eyes and I finally understood. I had an idea who "J" might be, but that didn’t help because to me this person was dead.

"I want to know everything," I said, and the man with a hat smiled contentedly.

 


	6. Only Human

> **But I’m only human**
> 
> **And I bleed when I fall down**
> 
> **I’m only human**
> 
> **And I crash and I break down**
> 
> **Your words in my head, knives in my heart**
> 
> **You build me up and then I fall apart**
> 
> **'Cause I’m only human**
> 
> **I can turn it on**
> 
> **Be a good machine**
> 
> **I can hold the weight of worlds**
> 
> **If that’s what you need**
> 
> **Be your everything**
> 
> **I can do it**
> 
> **I can do it**
> 
> **I'll get through it**
> 
> **(Human - Chistina Perri)**

 

**Felicity Smoak**

“I want to know everything" I said, and the man with the hat smiled contentedly.

***

"I thought you'd take a more time to look for me." He said as he sat next to me on the bench, pulling off his hat and putting it on his lap. "What did change your mind so quickly? Why did you decide to trust me now?” He asked in a slight tone, but evidently interested in my sudden change.

"I still don’t trust you." I warned him, and he smirked as it was just a matter of time. "I just figured out that you might be right about Oliver.” I answered and felt my heart fall apart when I said out loud. J’s eyes came to my face searching for a better explanation, but I couldn’t afford it, not yet, I didn’t want to confess so much, and besides, I came after him for answers, not the opposite.

"Well, you're in charge here. Where do you want to start?” he looked at me expectantly.

Thousands of questions hovered in my head. Why would Oliver have a gun in our room? Why did J have a card with a cube drawn on it? Did he know my father? Why was he so interested in me? But between so many questions I chose to start with the most urgent, the doubt that made my heart bleed. It was better to pull the bandage soon than to die slowly.

"I want to know... I need to know... Who is Oliver Queen?" J sighed and gave me a pitying look before he began to speak. It didn’t make me feel better, on the opposite I knew from now everything would change, I was sure that after I got the answers I needed so badly, I could not go back to the life I used to know.

“Oliver Queen joined ARGUS ten years ago. He was just a young man, a little unruly and angry at life" he said in a monotone voice, but that seemed to be covering up another emotion.

“Agent? Is it like a secret agent?” I questioned a bit incredulously, my mind immediately traveled to the movie Mission Impossible III, where Tom Cruise was married to a woman who didn’t know about his double life. “And what is this ARGUS thing anyway?”

“ARGUS is A Research Group United Support.” he answered, staring at my reaction. I could not help noticing how vague the definition was.

"I don’t understand," I said, shaking my head, "so he works for the good guys. Am I right?" I gave him a look full of doubt. What he told me didn’t sound so bad, if this ARGUS was a government agency like CIA or FBI, then I shouldn’t worry. My heart filled with hope and I allowed myself to sigh in relief. I could not hate him for lying about his work, since he might have to keep this secret.

"I don’t know if we can define ARGUS as the good guys” I saw a bit of anger in J's eyes as he aimed his hand in the form of a fist “You need to understand, Licity, just because they work for the government doesn’t mean they don’t do bad things. They don’t always protect people.”

"But..." I tried, clinging to the slightest possibility.

"Don’t kid yourself, Licity, it is a dangerous game and you need to understand something soon." He caught my hand on his, and his gaze lifted to mine, there was affection in his voice. He took a deep breath before continuing and I noticed that he was afraid his next words would hurt me. And he was right. The words hurt me so deeply that I can’t even describe. “Oliver married you because you are his mission.”

First I laughed.

But then I saw J's serious look, his eyes was filled with compassion, and I realized he wasn’t kidding.

Do you know the feeling of having your heart plucked from your chest? That was how I felt, my heart wasn’t beating like a normal person’s hearts. No, it seemed to have been replaced with just pain. In fact, I felt like this all over my body, just pain, in all my muscles, cells and nerves.

"Are you saying my marriage is a lie?  Are you saying that Oliver never loved me?” The question stung in my throat, my voice was quivering, and I felt that sting in my eyes so characteristic of the tears that were preparing to fall. I couldn’t stop them from falling. I didn’t even want to stop them from falling. Because, maybe could have some relief in crying. And I needed it. I needed to put out, take away the pain that threatened to consume me from within.

I couldn’t accept that. Because everything in my life was better since the moment we accidentally changed our coffees. Oliver was my friend, my confidant, my love. I had never told so much about myself to anyone before him, I ever allowed myself to be with someone in the way that I was with Oliver. Body, soul, and heart. I thought our love had been built slowly, but thinking now, maybe it was just a plan. A big lie, our marriage, our honeymoon, our love vows, our kisses...

Our relationship was a damn house of cards, it was beautiful and it had been carefully constructed by placing cards on cards. But the slightest movement, the slightest blow of a breeze was able to throw all the cards to the ground.

I felt J's arm wrap me in a warm hug. His hands coming down and upon  my back in a comforting movement. I took a few deep breaths, I let myself be consoled by him. I felt that, despite all the sarcastic J’s air, he somehow understood my pain.

"What I'm saying, Licity, is Amanda Waller was very pleased with your marriage, I cannot say anything about Oliver's feelings for you," he said gently, trying to soften the situation, but the damage had already been done. “I only can say that he is quite protective with you, the way he got worried after I asked to invade the hotel room when you were in Paris, the way he put you behind him, willing to... Protect you all cost.” He said slowly, seeming lost in his own thoughts, the J’s eyes had a different glow, something like pride.

“Did you do that?” I moved away from his embrace, I was trying to compose myself. I dried the tears with the back of my hands.

"Yes, I did." he admitted without a trace of guilt in his voice. "I had to test Oliver. And I must say I was pleased with the result.” He smiled.

“This is crazy!” I exclaimed, remembering the panic in Oliver that day. "Why would you do that?"

"I wanted to test what level of security you had.” He said, but it seemed to be something else. "I know it's difficult to understand, Licity."

“Difficult?” I moaned “Impossible is the correct definition. Why me? It's not like I'm a spy, a thief, a serial killer or something!” I exclaimed, the most doubtful thing I'd ever done was hacking the college system just to change some tests’ dates. Although, I knew that it would not be difficult for me to get into the FBI, NSA, or any other government network. But I was a citizen model! I didn’t throw my trash on the floor, I recycled! I wasn’t even advancing at the red light! "Why in the hell would I be someone's mission?"

"Because of your father, Licity." Those words made me alert.

"Are you telling me that my father was some kind of secret agent, too? Or was he a secret anti-agent?” I asked a little incredulously, taking a slight smile from J. From what I remembered about my father, he could be called James, but that was where his resemblance with 007 ended.

"No, he wasn’t. James Smoak worked for ARGUS in the scientific development department.” I absorbed the words. It made sense. My father was a very intelligent man “and he took back something they want.”

“When you say he took back something... Did you mean he stolen?” I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Not exactly, if you create something, it belongs to you. Am I right?" He demanded, raising one eyebrow.

"So he stole it," I conclude a little bitterly, "I’m in this mess because of him."

"It's a way of seeing things, but not necessarily the right way.” he seems didn’t care.

"So, Oliver," when I said his name, I feel the pain in my chest rise to an almost suffocating level. "What does he want from me? Does he want my father's whereabouts to get back whatever he stole? This is insane. Play with someone's life, play with my feelings for it! They would have other means and methods to finding my father without married me! In fact, it's not like my father has been very present in my life... "  I said the words like an explosion.

"I told you ARGUS doesn’t care who's on their way." he spoke in a voice so serious that I felt a shiver of fear run down my spine “They have a goal, they go to the end of the world for it, no matter how many people they will massacre on their way. It doesn’t matter if a young woman's heart will be destroyed because of it.” He said, staring at me with his intense blue eyes and raising my chin causing me to stare back at him, and as much as I wanted to ignore his words and believe that this man was just a lunatic addicted to conspiracy theories, I saw in J’s semblance he was being honest with me, at that moment, I was sure that ARGUS had destroyed his life too.

"It sounds awful."

"But it's not just that, honey. This story is much more complex than it seems. Your father is also being charged for murdering his co-worker years ago.

"That co-worker would be Robert Queen.” I deduced narrowing my eyes reminding myself of Oliver's story, maybe Oliver was on his own revenge’s mission and I was the scapegoat needed to get it.

I felt so used. I fell in love with him, I had never allowed myself to fall in love before. And when I finally did…

“Right.” J confirmed.

"Is that why Oliver married me?" I need that answer. "Does all he want is revenge on my father for murdering his?"

"I don’t know his motives, but I think it could be a great stimulus. But again, Licity, I can’t tell what's going on in his heart. He's a trained agent, but I don’t doubt that you've touch him in some way.”

"Maybe we should talk to him. Explaining things..." I said, knowing I was being naive.

“Explain what?” He asked me clearly confused.

"That my father didn’t kill Robert Queen.”

"You can’t prove it, and as far as we all know your father is responsible for his death." He said, not much appealing to the subject.

"We both know this is not true." For the first time, J hesitated, and I saw that he looked away from me.

"Your father may not have killed him, but that does not change the fact that Robert Queen is dead.” He said sharply.

We both stand in silence for a few moments. Things became a little tense between us. I strangely trusted him, but only to a certain point. He had his own secrets, his own ghosts to face and he would not share it with me. And I still had that James-J relationship, and I needed to know more about it. I huffed in frustration, breaking the tense mood and catching J’s attention.

“Come on, Licity, ask me what you really want! I see this question prowling in your mind. It comes to the tip of your lips and then you retracted. Ask soon, let's rip the bandage all at once!”

"Why do you insist on treating me as your daughter? Why do you pretend to be my father?” He was not surprised by my questioning, he just smiled weakly.

"I don’t pretend be him.”

"You call me, Licity, just like him. You say you want to protect me, just like a father would do.”

"I want to protect you, because a long time ago I made a promise." That didn’t answer my question, but I knew I would not take more than that from J. I suspired, looking at my cellphone. It was getting late, I had to set a course for my life. But I didn’t know what I would do now, knowing that Oliver and I weren’t real. I swept this thought into a dark corner of my mind, I didn’t want to face it now. I tried something else that could momentarily occupy my thoughts.

"If you're not my father, do you even know where he is?" I questioned J and my voice sounded different. When I was a child I dreamed that my father would come back someday, until I realized that it’ll never happen. Maybe he wanted to come back, but he couldn’t.

"I have no idea, Licity. But I want to find him! I need to find him.” There was an urgency in his voice, I worried there was something else there. Something that J was deliberately hiding from me.

"What did my father steal? Why did ARGUS just buy a new one?

"Your father took something that can’t be replicated so easily." I joined my eyebrows in disagreement “Knowledge, Licity." Well, that suggested that ARGUS wanted my father alive.

“What should I do now?” I looked at the black sky and all starry under our heads, my thoughts suddenly returning to Oliver, my eyes again tearing and all the pain I tried to escape was coming back. As much as I tried not to think about him, to exile that thought in a dark corner, my mind had a will of its own.

And Oliver was always on my thoughts.

"You come home." He replied, also looking at the same sky.

“What?” I asked in alarm. He had just told me that my life was a lie, my husband was a complete stranger who had married me just to find my father and get some kind of revenge. “NO!” I shouted exalted, getting up quickly.

"I don’t think Oliver knows the whole truth, Felicity.” I ignored that this was the first time he'd called me by my name and not my nickname. "You'll be okay with him for now.”

“You are crazy! You tell me all those things and then you want me to pretend I don’t know anything? I can’t do it! I can’t look at him and pretend I don’t know anything. I'm not a good liar." The truth was I did not trust myself near of Oliver.

"You must go back! That's the only way we can get your father." I did not like the way he said it, as if it were a trap. "And besides, if you leave now Amanda will find a way to bring you back, and she will not hesitate to put you in danger just to find your father.” I nodded, remembering Amanda Waller and the shiver of fear that ran through my body when I met her, I remembered how Oliver had said that he would protect me from her at that time ... “The secret to be a good lie is to believe in your own distortion of the reality that you created.” I stared at him and bit my lip before asking him if that was what he was doing. "And, Licity…? Do not worry, I'll always be around.” He said, rising from the bench, putting on his distinctive hat, winking, and disappearing into the shadows.

Was that a warning? I was not sure if I should feel good about those words. J left and left me alone, I stayed there for a few more minutes or maybe hours, I wasn’t really counting or caring. I cried for a long time, but then the tears were drying the chill in my chest softening. I could not spend my whole life on that bench lamenting. I had a decision to make. I could go home, pack, and disappear, forget that Oliver existed... Forget J, my father, and everything else. I didn’t ask for this life, I didn’t want to live a lie. I could run away, or I could go after the truth. Those were the only two ways. And one of them I was sure would prove incredibly difficult. Maybe I was getting into a game that I couldn’t play. Maybe I'd regret it, but I was tired of seeing other people playing with my life. No matter how much more hurt I would get from this story, I needed to do something. And if J was right, maybe I could find my father.

****

The truth is enlightening, I wonder if I would have preferred to live in the illusion of that beautiful lie for a bit longer. I was happy, like I've never been before. I loved and at the same time I felt loved. Was it wrong to feel it? Was it wrong to want some more of that? Yes, it was wrong. But tell my heart that, the traitor sped up as soon as I got into the apartment and saw Oliver. I didn’t control him, I didn’t understand how even knowing that everything that happened between us, my heart was still beating fast, when I should hate him, for using me so cruelly.

"You're late." Oliver said coming to me, I turned away from his lips before they touched mine, forcing them to touch my cheek. Not that it would help, just the touch of his lips on my skin had the power to undo me.

“I was working.” I tried to sound as controlled as I could, I turned away from his gaze before saying this lie and then filled it with a truth to make it sound a bit more believable. "You know how my boss can be a bitch sometimes…”

Oliver gave a small smile that did not reach his eyes, I knew that was just a polite smile. As much as I tried to keep impassive I felt his gaze studying me. He saw that something was not right.

"Are you sure everything is fine?" He inspected me, hovering his eyes on mine that by now must have been reddened by the compulsive cry of hours ago.

"Everything is perfect," I lied again, my voice rising a few octaves. God! I was terrible at it. I could not stay in this game for long. How did J say I should do? I should believe in the distortion of reality that I created. That would not work.

"Felicity... Were you crying?" Oliver's voice brought me back, felt his hand on my face lifting it and forcing me to face him. He had that little wrinkle of concern between his eyes.

“It's just an allergy.” I said, pretending to a sneeze, which at least did not sound so fake “I just need to take a shower and relax.”

“Do you want some company?” Oliver said, as I felt his arms hugging me from behind. My body shivered with that intimate contact. I could not handle it much longer, it was too much torture.

"I really need a few moments alone.” I asked, and he nodded, finally letting me go.

If Oliver didn’t like my attitude, he chose not to comment. Wherever, I could justify this as PMS so I calmed down myself.

I spent more time than I should in the shower. I was trying to build up the courage to get out of there, to face Oliver again. I tried to convince myself that he was a stranger, that everything he offered me was just lies. Nothing was real, nothing. He just used me, and he was still using me. I repeated this in my mind, I could not allow my feelings for him to keep me from seeing reality. Oliver do not love me, he never loved me.

When I left the bathroom, I found Oliver lying on his side of the bed. He looks at me curiously. I could see him analyzing every move of mine, trying to understand my attitude. As a terrible actress I am, I simply ran away from his eyes, turned off the light and joined him on the bed where I kept a safe distance between us, and I said nothing but a safety "good night."

"Do you know I love you, don’t you?" Oliver whispered in my ear, he puts his large hands on my waist and possessively pulling my body closer to his as he brushed his beard through my skin and handing small, enticing kisses to the curve between my shoulder and neck. My body warmed with that sexy kiss, my skin prickled. I resisted the impulse to turn and kiss him back. I was completely lost! My body still desperately wanted Oliver's, even though it was all a sham.

“I love you too.” I answered him, feeling a single tear trickle down my face, I felt his body relax with my answer and he squeezed me even harder in his warm embrace. I sighed in defeat, I let myself be embraced by him and soon I just sleep. I could not notice that this was the only truth I said to Oliver, and the one which I most wished it was a lie.

**Author's Note:**

> So... what do you think?
> 
> If you notice some mistakes, please tell me and I'll fix it. ;)
> 
> Bye, bye!


End file.
